I’ve heard it said that holding onto bitterness towards another person is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die.

One of the side effects of bitterness is that causes us to be miserable. It ruins our mood.

It’s also bad for our health. Its toxic like poison to our system and it may shave years off our lives.

I admit that I wasted way too many years of my life being bitter towards other people; my parents, and people that I perceived to be a bully or a snob.

I got tired of the pattern and pain of unforgiveness in my life and went to a counselor to get some help for it.

One day he told me “Rob, if you forgive, at least you have a chance to be happy, but if you don’t, you’re guaranteed to be miserable and you lose.”

Learning to forgive others regularly is one of the hardest things to do, but it’s one of the most important if we don’t want to get stuck in the misery zone on a regular basis.

I’ve learned that it’s basic human nature to want to blame others (and not even realize we’re doing that) and I believe that’s one of the reasons why it’s so easy for us humans to fall into the trap of unforgiveness.

Another byproduct of unforgiveness interestingly enough, is that we tend to become like the person we resent. The more we fixate on something in our minds, the more we reproduce it and resemble it in our lives.

Holding onto bitterness toward someone actually causes us to remain attached to that person which is probably the last thing that we want.

It also soils our future relationships when we carry around past hurts. It’s like carrying around a suitcase full of dead fish or a backpack full of rancid meat and wondering why the room stinks when we get there.

When we try to get even with others we generally cause more damage to ourselves than the to other person.

Forgiveness is not minimizing the seriousness of the offense.

It is not resuming a relationship without changes.

It does not mean we forget the offense and it does not mean that we have to trust them again.

We can forgive even though we haven’t forgotten.

We can forgive even though trust may take a long time to rebuild.

We can still choose to hold no grudges right now even if trust is never rebuilt.

We may want to set boundaries with difficult people (which can be healthy), but unforgiveness is rarely ever healthy.

Hopefully some of the above has convinced you that forgiveness is the better choice over bitterness.

Because what it all boils down to is that forgiveness is a choice. It’s really 100% a choice.  When we forgive, it allows us to heal and enjoy our lives.

Here are some steps that we can take if we want to move in the direction of forgiveness:

1) We can relinquish our right to get even.  We don’t hurt the other person with our resentment, we only hurt ourselves.

2) We can realize that God has forgiven us of so much.

3)  We can realize that we are going to need more forgiveness in the future.

4) We can respond to evil with good.

5)  We can become experts on forgiveness, by reading books, booklets, etc.

One of the best teachings on the subject I have ever read is a chapter on forgiveness in the booklet titled “40 Days Of Love” by Rick Warren (www.saddlebackresources.com).

That’s where I found this prayer. I keep it on my refrigerator, in my wallet, and memorized in my brain. I highly recommend you do the same.

If you are suffering from bitterness I would recommend saying this prayer a couple of times a day for at least a month.

Dear Lord,

I may not forget, but I’m choosing to forgive

_____________________.

I realize trust may take time to rebuild,

But I choose to hold no grudges.

Help me to let go of bitterness or anger in my heart.

Give me your grace that I may relinquish

my “right” to get even.

Help me understand that you have forgiven me

and that I can forgive ________________ through you.

I trust in your power to do that.

Now, Lord I ask you to bless _______________.

In particular,

I ask you to bless them with these things:

_____________________________________.

God,

Please replace my hurt with your healing.

Replace my pain with your peace.

Replace my loss with your love.

May the past truly be past.

In Jesus name I pray, amen.

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